Dinnertime in the Brave New World of Allergies

Allergies have been creeping up on more and more of us.

The burden is not just the number of allergies that afflict us, but the number of people who, at some point in their lives, become allergic. More to the point, the fact that there are more allergic people in America than anywhere else in the world is nothing short of alarming.

We all know what a scourge allergies represent, and we are painfully aware of the way they affect our quality of life. I for one have among my nearest and dearest a precious child who must deal daily with severe, read fatal, allergies.

The plot thickens when allergies are taken lightly

It has become increasingly imperative to differentiate without mercy between two groups of people: those afflicted with genuine life threatening allergies, and those who adopt, or worse, co-opt, them.

Take the Gluten-Free Revolution

Looking around us, we notice an uncanny phenomenon: Although only one in 133 people in America suffers from Celiac Disease, it seems that every other person has jumped on the Gluten-Free bandwagon. Because Gluten makes them feel uncomfortable; because they feel better without it; because it turns them into card carrying members of the Gluten-Free community; because gluten-free is perceived as cool. So, are they allergic? No. Not exactly. Often even not at all.

Often just cutting out commercial bread does the trick of restoring our relationship with wheat and wheat products. That’s because many American brands of commercial bread contains added gluten. So, on one hand you have commercial bakers who seek to accelerate dough rising, and kind of put their loaves on steroids by adding gluten. And on the other hand, you have bakers who eliminate gluten from breads and other products altogether, and seek to put the whole nation on a gluten-free diet, often using mediocre ingredients, “because it is better for you”. Which of course is an absurdity: Think of how many countries around the world eat bread as their staple. They are healthy and fit because their bread is made with whole grain, and rises unhurriedly, at its own natural pace: They eat sourdough bread without even knowing it!

What happens when healthy people cry allergies?

The unintended consequences of posing as allergic range from annoying to downright dangerous.

Annoying: I recently served brisket at a seder dinner to a couple that had clamored for it in the past. But this time, they politely declined, and passed on the tray. Sensing my surprise, they explained that red meat had become a health concern, as well as a great philosophical concern, and they stopped eating it. Imagine my consternation when, a couple weeks later, I saw them chomping on a cowboy steak at a neighboring outdoors restaurant table. What upset me even more was their total unflappability when they saw my bewilderment: “We are still, you know, exploring“, they said brightly. That’s right, exploring on the hosts’ time and hard work. I fervently hope you approve of the fact that they were not invited again. Who knows what the next quirky exploration phase would have coincided with?

Can I interest you in the hilarious work of JP Sears? 

JP is delightful, and coaches you on “how to assert your dominance on everyone around you” just by professing a gluten intolerance, even if you don’t have it. It is very cool!

As importantly, we must make allowances for all relatives and friends with special diet needs: Vegetarian, kosher, etc… If we know this fact about them, and we invited them, well it means we can handle it, and we must handle it gracefully. I have long since stopped accepting the invitations of a friend who commiserated with me each time I dutifully showed up to her events, present in hand. “Isn’t it a shame you keep Kosher and cannot have anything at my house?” You bet it is! Insulting too. Especially as procuring delicious kosher wine and food is a piece of cake nowadays. And since she seems decidedly luckier with me than I with her, we meet at my place for dinner.

Dangerous: Because healthy people have so often cried wolf,  many waiters and caterers have become inure to their claims and dismiss them as frivolous. So when asked if a dish has gluten or eggs or other allergens, they offhandedly respond, no, of course not. And then one time out of a hundred the claims are real and valid, but because it was not taken literally, misfortune strikes. So many children with real life threatening allergies are severely restricted as soon as they step out of their homes: Will school, family and friends’ homes be equipped for them and accommodate them? I have seen the dangers from as close as I possibly could get, and seen miraculous brushes with near disasters, and unfortunately episodes that ended in tragedy.

A parting note to people with no – or no serious – allergies:

If you are just cruising the social special diet needs and fads spectrum, please try your very best to remember that your hostess worked very hard to make the beautiful meal placed in front of you, and do not have her make you a separate dish unless you are indeed allergic. You will not only make it easier on the hardworking cook. You will also save genuinely allergic guests from unpleasantness, even danger, as they will get their chance to be taken seriously. And should you decide some night to be a host, no matter how exacting, as opposed to an-attention-hungry guest, remember:

We eat everything!

We are easy somewhat boring omnivorous low maintenance dates! We are going to your house for a change, It’s settled! What’s your address again?